Posts Tagged ‘rewards’

Well, I’m the only child of a divorced marriage, and both my folks ended up being remarried and had my 2 sisters. In a perfect world, we could all get along and do one big Christmas celebration together, but since the big D (divorce) is a factor in these familial relationships, it makes for many separate Christmas celebrations. My dad’s second marriage ended after 5 years, so when I have Christmas with Dad, I also have it with the sister that my ex-stepmom had w/ Dad. Back in the day when we were little, we’d alternate Christmases with each set of parents, but it all started to get too complicated and stressful, so my dad was cool enough to start just having his own separate Christmas with me and my oldest younger sister. Now that we’re all adults, the celebration has changed a bit, and is way less lavish and simpler than it used to be. But overeating still happens, and after this final Christmasing was overwith on Sunday evening of this past weekend, I was left feeling bloated and unwell. Also, I’m sure this is a product of my childhood stressors, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about the holidays, and I’m always a little relieved when it’s over. Taking down my tiny tree is the most cathartic experience ever. My sister shares the same sentiment. She not only has the big D to contend with, her mom’s family is just very large and it would be a nigh impossible task to have just one Christmas, so like me she is always pretty much over it after New Year’s.

I’m happy to report that just 4 days later, I feel good again. I still like to indulge like everyone else (see my last entry), but when I do too much, I feel it hardcore. I was literally in pain and feeling like ass for 2 days after. I’ve stayed on program, however, since Sunday night (which is when I was like, “I’m so full, I never want to eat again!”), and I’m feeling MUCH better.

It’s amazing how after you get used to having a mostly clean diet that when you do indulge and go a little overboard with it, how painful it can be. The digestive punishment I received is a reminder that I’m so happy living a day-to-day healthy lifestyle. My Sunday “cheat” dinner is never nearly as decadent as any holiday fare! And any dessert I choose to have is usually tiny and insignificant compared to the rich fudge and Christmas cookies that I tend to nosh on during “that time of year.” I tend to go for things on the healthier side of “bad” anyway on Sundays, I’m just not as stringent with the “rules” I follow as I usually am. A better way to put it is that I tend to go for quality, not quantity when I’m having my once-a-week cheat meal.

My gym re-opens on Saturday (as I’ve said before, it’s a campus gym at a university, and they close seasonally for maintainence, etc.), and I’m so psyched to go work out! I’ve been exercising at home, but I’m craving a HARDCORE gym workout. I also plan on hitting the sauna as a reward afterwards…

Another thing I’ve been thinking about lately is that people tend to reward themselves for accomplishments with food. Every celebration revolves around some kind of food. What if we rewarded ourselves by doing something FUN instead? Or by doing something simple like taking a hot bath with our favorite bath salts, or having a cup of tea (non-sugared of course). Why does it always have to be stuffing our faces that we reward ourselves and each other with? Food for thought (pun SO intended).

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Losing weight has been great for me, in both major, life-altering ways and in those little ways that one doesn’t always take note of but appreciates anyway. Here is my list of those little things that make me happy that I’ve been losing weight:

* My thighs don’t rub together and chafe painfully as they used to. They still touch, but they’re not squished together as they used to be. Seriously, I used to have to use baby powder in the summer time to keep my inner thighs from becoming painfully chafed, and this was the first summer I didn’t have to do that.

* It’s easier to shave my legs – I live in an apartment with a small shower stall and no bathtub, and if I’d attempted the feat of shaving my legs in this shower even a year ago, it wouldn’t have worked out. My old place where I was very fat had a bathtub, and I know that without that tub I would have just had hairy legs. Not that there’s anything wrong with hairy legs, but I like to shave in the warm months.

* Positive attention from others has increased, but I don’t get as much “creepy” and unwanted attention from the random weirdos on the street that I used to get. I think the reason for this is that people assume a fat person has low self esteem and will take any attention they can get. While that’s not always true, that’s the general assumption people tend to make. Now that I’m thinner, I think people are a little more afraid to approach me. I used to get old farts hitting on me at the bus stop (creeeeepy), but now they don’t even talk to me unless they’re asking if I have spare change, lol.

* I can see my feet without bending over, I repeat, I can just look down and see my feet! Huzzah!

* I can more easily squat or stoop down to grab something off the floor instead of it being an Olympic event to bend over to pick something up.

* My balance has improved tenfold.

* I can do a cartwheel again – I haven’t been able to do one of those since high school!

* I can run to beat a dwindling traffic light and cross the street, or run to the bus stop if I’m running late and not miss the bus (this used to be a Herculean effort for me).

* Stairs? Hills? Bring ’em on! Never thought I’d actually enjoy stairs and hills! 🙂

* I have way more patience than I used to have. I can wait longer for things without getting anxious.

* The way I react to tricky and challenging situations is far more balanced and less emotional, and I tend not to let things “get to me” as much as I used to.

* I’m more assertive and less of a “people pleaser” than I used to be, it’s like I’m completely unafraid to stand up for myself and can do so in a diplomatic way without coming off being “bitchy” or overly emotional.

* I fall asleep faster and usually sleep through the night unless it’s “that time of month.”

* “That time of month” is still a pain in the ass, but it’s much LESS painful and a lot more manageable than it used to be.

I still have my funky weirdness around crowds. I’m working on that one, still. There have been times at the supermarket where I’m nearing a panic attack by the time I make it to the checkout lane, although I think it has something to do with the fact since I don’t have a car I often do those big, stock-up trips with my parents, and they tend to rush me, AND the store recently remodeled and the layout is ass-backwards now, so it’s confusing and I’m trying to complete my shopping list (often the housemate will hand me a couple 20’s and a list for him as well – gawd I can’t wait til he gets his car so he can do this himself, lol). So I think those are factors, but that is the one issue my weight hasn’t remedied. My mom gets the same thing in grocery stores, but since she’s with my stepdad, she has an easier time. I feel like if I had a “shopping buddy” to assist me I’d do better with those stock-up trips as well. Luckily I only do those once a month to get heavier things like kitty litter, bags of rice, gallons of water refilled, laundry items, etc. I manage to keep it together enough to get through it by trying to breathe deep, etc. but it’s HARD for me to be in a crowded situation like that, with a time limit. I do okay with other kinds of crowds, like at sporting events or concerts, but I guess it’s because those events tend to be fun, whereas shopping is a chore. Luckily there is a supermarket not too far from my place that I can grab my produce, meats, and other fresh items at, and I just do the thing with my folks to get the big, heavy items that would be nearly impossible to take on the bus or walk home with. When my housemate has his car, he said we can start doing that stuff later at night when the store is less crowded (yay!).

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