Posts Tagged ‘my fatness’

I didn’t get fat from eating junk food exclusively. It also wasn’t my parents’ fault or my friends’ fault that I got fat, either. It was me choosing to use food to make myself feel better, or just plain eat out of boredom, or let my eyes be bigger than my stomach and then ultimately clean my plate. It was all me. I blame no one but myself. I do not blame the food. I do not blame the advertising. I blame myself. I also blame the fact that I needed help to deal with my own sadness instead of turning to food to comfort me.

I didn’t get fat until junior high. I was a kid who loved playing outside, going camping and hiking and swimming. I wasn’t an athlete, though. I never liked team sports growing up, and my parents weren’t ones to make me do anything I didn’t want to do. I got more into activities that involved music and art in high school. I took a lot of art classes and I was in my school’s orchestra as second chair viola. It was fun, but I grew more sedentary as I got older. I sometimes wish I could go back and take a dance or a martial arts class when I was in high school to keep me active. I got fat when I started eating more school food and going for the pizza and fries instead of healthier options, and eating out with friends after school. I just ate what other teens ate. I would also double up on food. I had a big appetite as teens often do, but I didn’t learn how to use the concept of volumetrics to satiate my appetite while not loading up on too many calories. I also got into a toxic and unhealthy relationship as my “first love” and turned to food a lot to comfort me when my family and friends weren’t so understanding about my challenges with that relationship.

My parents didn’t load me down with junk food. When I was small, I was always given things like oatmeal and fruit with hardboiled eggs for breakfast, my mom packed my lunch until junior high with fresh fruit and a sandwich on whole wheat bread. Dinner always had fresh salad, a steamed side veggie, a protein option, and usually fairly healthy carb option. So it wasn’t my folks I learned my bad habits from. It was my lack of knowledge of how the body worked that led me to think I could eat crap, get sedentary, and not have some consequences. I also made the common mistake of thinking that liquid calories found in juices, sodas, and milk don’t count. When I got my first job and my first source of income, that was both a blessing and a detriment. As I got more freedom of movement combined with my own money, I spent more on fast food and vending machine food.

I do have fat people in my family, and I have fat friends. Everyone is fallible so I try not to pick on them too much, but they are most certainly in denial of their habits and how they contribute to their poor health. I will probably vent from time to time about those people in my life, especially since they see me lose weight and comment on it yet when they ask me for advice they usually either brush it off or flat-out ignore it because I’m not telling them some mystical secret, I’m just sharing common sense. Also, I do worry about health problems happening for these people in my life, and it hurts me to see anyone I love being self destructive in any way, whether that’s through substance abuse, risky behavior, or living an unhealthy lifestyle.

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