Posts Tagged ‘fat acceptance’

Long title! Anyway, I am sick of this common misconception/double standard. I’ve known plenty of fat, schlubby guys who just expected women to fall at their feet, and not just any women, mind you…they wanted women that fit most mainstream “beauty standards” in some way. What the hell?

Look, women are just as visually-oriented as men when it comes to physical attraction and arousal. Women want to get off just as much as any man, and that usually requires us not being completely repulsed by our partner. Now I’m not talking about falling in love, I’m talking about pure, physical, sexual attraction here.

I think most of us tend to gravitate towards others who are kind of our equal as far as attractiveness goes. Usually when attracted to a partner where things go beyond the physical, there are a combination of traits that bring the two people together on an even keel. But I’ve known guys that have the dumb mentality of “nice guys finish last,” and claim to be such “nice guys,” but get angry at women who turn them down. Then instead of acknowledging that there are things they could work on to attract women, they instead blame women, saying that “women are only attracted to guys who are jerks.” Funny enough to me that they automatically assume that attractive guys are “jerks” just because they’re visually appealing…hmmmm. Who to date, even just on a casual basis, is a very personal decision. I’ve seen certain guys demand, after the rejection, to know why. You know what? Sometimes the “why” is that you smell, or that you’re ugly to the woman, or that not only are you ugly and smelly, you can also be a misogynistic jerk!

Guys like Kevin Smith and Jack Black are chunky, and they ended up with pretty good looking women. However, both of them seem to actually have very creative, interesting personalities, and they both make pretty hilarious movies and have good senses of humor obviously. I can’t really speak for Smith’s wife Jen (who is devastatingly gorgeous in my opinion), and I don’t know about Black’s love life at present but I do know at one point he was dating Sarah Silverman, also totally cute. But I will attest to the fact that they’re both famous and creative types. Their mates have been attracted to them for other reasons than how they look, obviously. But when I see these average joe guys who can’t even be bothered to do anything more than shower and put on a shirt their mom gave them, are considerably overweight and also probably not that attractive otherwise, AND expect the women they go after to be drop-dead gorgeous, act like clueless and sexist pigs, and THEN wonder why they’ve made it into their 30’s and haven’t gotten laid, I just want to slap these individuals across their smug faces when they start to blame WOMEN for the reason they’re still virgins. Then they try to augment themselves with things that are advertised to be “chick magnets” like motorcycles, nice cars, etc. What they don’t really get is that most of the time women like the guys on motorcycles because they’re already hot, and the motorcycle is just kind of the icing on the cake. A fatty guy with his dick hidden under layers of fat on a bike does not say “sexy” to me, anyway. The thing is, a lot of these men could find someone in their current state if they were to lower their own standards. But the problem with this (and this is one thing about fat acceptance I can’t reconcile) is that they expect the most gorgeous woman ever, with an in-shape body, who goes to the salon regularly, to like them on the sole basis that they’re “nice.” Really? A lot of people are VERY nice, but I’d never sleep with any of them.

Women are just as visually-oriented as men. Some macho assholes (some of whom happen to be big fatties) like to make fun of guys who groom themselves or dress well, using off-color, bigoted terms for homosexuality to make fun of them…but those are usually the guys who are getting laid. By women. Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya think?

I think fat men can often feel just as insecure as fat women. But I think there’s something in our current pop culture that says, “It’s okay if you’re fat, because some really hot chick who doesn’t care what you look like will come along and love you for who you are!” But for me the kicker is that to most of us, too much extra fat (and I’m not talking 15 or 20 lbs. here) usually indicates a tendency towards either apathy or impulsive behavior. I’ve BEEN a fat person, and I have every right to say that. It might sound mean, but to me it’s the truth. I’ve decidedly less attracted towards fat men because from what I observe of their behavior, they don’t often care for themselves well at all. I am way more attracted to the aesthetic of someone who is healthy and active. That usually shows on a person’s body. I don’t expect a guy to be uber-muscley, but you can usually tell the difference between a guy who’s just naturally skinny but isn’t healthy, and someone who is really treating their body right. Combine that with a killer personality (which to me is a good sense of humor, intelligence, kindness/respect for others/positive-yet-realistic outlook on life) and I’ve usually got a crush.

I’ll elaborate on fat acceptance’s seeming double standards. There doesn’t seem to be anything about fat men being accepted out there in the blogosphere. There is a little bit, but not much. Fat women are called “real women” whereas slim women are called “twigs, sticks, anorexic, self-hating, bitches, etc.” but thin, attractive men are not picked on. To me it seems like some of the women of FA want to remain fat but still feel like they should be able to get with an in-shape man. To me that’s just as bad as fat, slovenly men who haven’t seen Mr. Happy in 5 years expecting gorgeously hot women to just fall at their feet because they’re nice “on the inside.”

Inner beauty is valuable, OK? I get that. But for ME, both have to be there. Physical attraction is also arguably subjective enough that someone I find gorgeous might not be as appealing to the gal next to me – it’s always a combination of personality compatability, looks, pheromones/chemistry, etc. So just being a nice guy doesn’t entitle any man to have any woman he wants. Ever.

What I also get annoyed by is that women, when without a sex partner but horny, are usually left to our own devices and seek the aid of a sex toy of some sort. But SOME guys I’ve known (particularly the significantly overweight ones who are still virgins into their late 20’s) start feeling ENTITLED to a WOMAN if they want to get off. Sorry bout ya, but no one is owed a romantic partner. Ever. Usually you have to work on yourself at LEAST a little bit to attract someone. Sorry. If you’re so desperate to get off and can’t find someone willing, seek out the aid of a fleshlight, your hand, some porn, or a combination of the three for all I care. No one is required to say yes to you just because you might be nice. And you most certainly prove you really aren’t nice when you get angry and stomp your feet for getting rejected by someone. Ass.

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I take issue with fat acceptance for many reasons. It’s one thing to say, “hey, I’m fat, please don’t discriminate against me or make fun of me.” That I have no problem with. I’m certainly not all about humiliating or demoralizing people for any reason. But I take issue with the “facts” that are presented about fatness and human biology, and the made-up issues that “people of size” face. See, most issues that these people face are brought upon by themselves through their choices, not by other people. I’m sure there are fat people who’ve been teased in a mean way, and I don’t condone that. But all this “discrimination” and “humiliation” stuff smacks of paranoia to me. I feel like a lot of these people almost look for things to get upset and offended by. If you go looking for trouble, you’ll most likely find it. I’m just sayin’…

A lot of bloggers in the “movement” cherry-pick facts to “prove” that obesity is not unhealthy. Most of the really active fat acceptance bloggers do not appear to be more than maybe 50 or so pounds overweight, thus they may still be able to do a lot of physical activities and be more able-bodied than people who are 100 or more pounds overweight. What bothers me is that a lot of people who are in the 100+ category often feel helpless and hopeless, and when fat acceptance comes along and says that it’s just fine and dandy to be fat, it gives them false hope that they can be as big as they are and remain healthy through quackish principles like, “Health at Every Size” and “Intuitive Eating.” To me, this is very dangerous. Another thing I take issue with is the myth that it’s predetermined by genetics and that we all have a “natural set-point” that no matter what, we’re all meant to be. By this logic, your “set point” could be morbidly obese and bedridden, unable to wipe your own butt and having to use a special “device” for wiping yourself after doing #2…I affectionately refer to it as a “buttwand,” but all joking aside I would be really sad if I let myself get so huge that I couldn’t reach my own ass. That’s not “natural” at all.

Many in the movement have limited scientific knowledge, yet talk as if they are experts on topics regarding weight management. They stick their fingers in their ears and say, “la la la, I’m not listening!” to the sound science that says extra fat is unhealthy. Many of them react emotionally rather than rationally to dissenting points of view, calling anyone who disagrees with them a troll, or other derogatory name (like “douchehound” – what the hell does that even mean???). A lot of them use gratuitous swearing. Now, I’ve been called a sailor by people in my family because I can throw the F-bombs around if I’m in the right mood, but I feel like if you’re trying to make a point you should limit your swearing and focus on the topic at hand. Too much swearing can make you look like you have a stunted vocabulary. There’s a place for swearwords, sure. They can shock enough to drive home a big point, or they can just be funny. But if every other word you type is “fuck” you’re going to lose a lot of your audience and credibility.

There is a mentality in fat acceptance that it’s okay to care about your appearance to the point of wearing make-up, maintaining good hygiene, and having nice clothes. But if you ever want to lose weight to enhance your appearance, that is a big “no-no!” It is often said that it’s immoral and shallow to enjoy a vanity aspect of weight loss, it should be for health and health only. Of course in the long run, health is always tantamount. Your body should be your temple, yada yada. But if you also happen to like being able to fit into smaller clothes, if you like having a certain figure and wish to maintain it, suddenly it’s a crime to care about your looks. I take huge issue with that. It suggests that if you want to maintain your appearance by way of losing weight, that means you have an eating disorder and you hate yourself. Also, I have always admired natural beauty more than artificial beauty. What I mean by this is that someone who maintains a fit and healthy body and has good hygiene but doesn’t wear makeup or designer clothes is more appealing to me than someone who is very fat but spends a lot of money on make-up and clothes.

I don’t like the whole, “if you aren’t fat, you aren’t a real woman” mentality that some display on their blogs. It disturbs me because it fails to mention men. Are fat men more real than thin men? What exactly is a real woman? Is a woman who is thin not real? I know that some of my buddies on other blogs have covered this topic, but it continues to make me *facepalm* repeatedly. It touches me because one of my favorite people in the world is a woman who’s just built very tall and lanky, and she has trouble keeping weight on. She eats quite heartily and yet she’s got a very gaunt physique. She gets a lot of snarky comments from a lot of people about it. It’s not just fat people who get teased about their bodies. In fact, I will say as a fattie that no one has ever *teased* me about my weight. Most people would actually comment, if I brought it up, that I’m not fat (which I knew they were just saying to be nice, because you’d have to be blind to think I’m not fat). But people would never be so tactful with my thin friend. She had people constantly accusing her of having an eating disorder her whole life, and not even trying to be tactful about it! They would usually be so blatant and mean about it that she got really self conscious and depressed about it at one point. If anyone is a candidate for needing body acceptance, it would be her! She even used to say that she sometimes wished she were fat so people would leave her alone about her body. Her character is strong, she’s smart, funny, and in my opinion adorable. She has her own kind of beauty, and honestly I think the fatter women who’ve bashed her are jealous. If fat acceptance really believed in all kinds of beauty, they would not bash thin women. I’m glad my friend recently has found more acceptance. She made the move with her husband to the West coast, and she says there are less fat people out there than here in the midwest, and she doesn’t get nearly as many snarky comments about her body anymore. Go figure!

There seems to be a double standard that’s emerging about fat vs. thin. It’s okay for fat people to be mean and catty to thin people, because somehow thin people don’t have feelings? I don’t get it. Also, it seems that chubby is the new normal, and thin is the new anorexic, and that morbid obesity doesn’t really exist (booga booga!) and people who are 400+ pounds are “strawmen.” Look, anorexia is usually pretty obvious. A person’s skin is typically lacks color, their hair thinning and falling out with a scraggly appearance, hollow features, and a skeletal frame. A thin person that has muscle tone, color in their skin, shiny hair, and bright eyes is not starving or emaciated, they are healthy! If you look around you, healthily thin people are a vast minority compared to the overweight these days.

Our food culture is sickening to me. It’s disproportionate – we have more food than we’ll ever need, yet billions of people the world over still have trouble getting enough of it to live optimally. There’s a crazy juxtaposition between the U.S. and countries like Zimbabwe and the Sudan. Seeing the pictures of obese children and comparing them to the malnourished, starving children breaks my heart. Is it fair that our kids get too much to eat and others have to go without? Also, most of our people, children included, are overfed but undernourished. They lack essential nutrients in their daily diet, but they get to have overly full bellies. Our bodies haven’t evolved past the point of being able to store fat for times of famine. The thing is, most of us never experience true famine in the U.S. We have constant food abundance, and most of us live relatively sedentary lifestyles. Most of us work desk jobs, then come home and sit on the computer or in front of the TV for several hours. If that’s your lifestyle, a walk around the block or an aquatic fitness class once a week isn’t going to burn enough calories to keep your body at a healthy weight. Especially if you’re like most people and get fast food or use convenience foods regularly. People want to eat the farmer’s portions without doing the farmer’s work! No wonder so many of us are overweight and obese!

Another problem I have is when people start associating being fat with their identity as a person. I’m not saying it doesn’t help shape who you are to be fat and deal with it, but your fat isn’t you. When people get told by their doctor that their health problems are associated with their weight, they take it as being “shamed.” They take it as a personal assault on their character and personal worth. A doctor’s job is to guard your health, but since so many people complain that their doctors tell them they’re fat, doctors get fed up and now default to their prescription pad instead. So instead of preventative wellness to stave off things like type II diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, muscle and joint problems, etc. by keeping a healthy weight, people are now put on drugs for these things instead, and it’s considered “normal” to be on a bunch of meds in your early 30’s now. With all due respect, what the hell?!! Look, a doctor is not a “fat hater” if they tell you that your health could be improved by losing weight, OK? They are a professional trying to do their job. Quite frankly, I think it’s refreshing when a doctor decides not to just default to giving out pills like candy and try to help a person with overall wellness instead. They are not saying, “look, you cow, you’re a fatass and you suck!” They are simply pointing out that your weight reflects some poor health habits and that you should cut it out and get healthy. Why is it so hard for people to make that distinction and why do they take it as an attack on their personality?

One thing I want to know about is when FA people claim they’ve been humiliated at the doctor’s office when they check your weight on the scales. Any doctor’s office I’ve been to has the scale in the back where only the nurse and you can see it, and I’ve never had a nurse yell my weight out so loud that others besides him/her and myself can hear it. I’m not embarrassed for a medical professional to know my weight. I kind of always figure that there’s someone fatter than me that they’ve seen, so they’re not going to be shocked. The thing about doctors and nurses is that they’ve “seen it all” so my problems are not going to stand out to them that much, they are simply doing their jobs. I want to know, seriously, where these FA people are going to be seen by a doctor where the scale is in public view and the nurses and doctors are announcing their patients’ weights to the whole office and waiting room. I think these stories are exaggerated, and these people are way too insecure if they get mad that their weight is checked. It seems like a standard procedure at the doctor’s office, really. Nothing personal or humiliating in any way. What doctor’s office are these people going to where the nurse runs into the waiting room yelling, “hey everyone, there’s one hell of a heifer back here, he/she weighs x amount of weight, can you believe what a fatty-fatty boom-boom they are? hahahaha!” Because if these doctor’s offices do exist, that kind of behavior is highly unprofessional and those places should be shut down, or restaffed with more professional people. But I’m skeptical that such places actually exist. Also, if these fat acceptance types were so proud of their weight, why would they have a problem with others knowing it?

I think fat acceptance is mostly an upper-middle class issue. People of privilege have more time to bitch and whine about how no one “accepts” them and that this is an issue of civil rights. Most of the people who complain the most vocally seem to be people who are highly educated and have had advantages that a lot of other people go without. Again, just sayin’…

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What to expect from this blog/disclaimers:

Two words: radical honesty. I do not beat around the bush, nor am I politically correct. I do curse sometimes, but I don’t mean it to offend people. I believe people can choose not to get offended if they dissect things logically. I am unapologetic about my opinions.

I am anti-fat. That’s right, a fattie that’s anti-fat! Some people in the Fat Acceptance blogosphere would call me Fattist. Perhaps I am, but I feel that having been fat for a third of my life has earned me the right to say whatever the hell I want about it.

I am not anti-fat PERSON, mind you. I may say things that imply that I am, but rest assured I am not. If someone really enjoys being fat and wants to stay fat, that is their right. My only stipulation is that one in that position not ask for special treatment or to be treated as a victim. I hate no one, but I do get irritated and disagree with what people say.

If you get offended by my blog, you can go find something else online to read. There are millions upon millions of blogs out there, and I’m sure you’ll be able to find one that fits your worldview and won’t offend you one little iota. I suggest you go there. There is this thing called freedom of speech, and while I still have that right I plan on using it, even if it doesn’t fit with what you believe. I will not censor people on my blog unless they’re doing things that violate the WordPress terms of service. But if you want to flame me and call me superficial for my opinions, then I will not delete those comments. It doesn’t mean I won’t rip you a new one in return (if I even FEEL like dignifying it with a response), so be prepared!

I have been fat, am still fat, and therefore I feel like I have a right to say what I please about it. I also have significantly less sympathy for fat people who choose to live a lifestyle that cultivates fatness, yet still complain about it. It’s not easy to lose weight the correct and moderate way, so I do not feel sorry for a person who says they’ve “tried everything and still can’t lose weight.” Piffle! Usually those people have tried crash diets or they’ve tried healthy living for 3 weeks and then give up once they realize it’ll take awhile.

The Fat Acceptance blogs like to claim that diets don’t work. Diets CAN and DO work, if you stick with them. But there is a HUGE difference between a diet that simply consists of a person making a lifestyle change and eating all whole foods in controlled portions while exercising, and a fad diet. Fad diets usually consist of eliminating one or more food groups and making silly food combinations. Or they are the “replace 2 of your meals with this liquid.” Of COURSE that doesn’t work, because it goes against our basic biology! Also, I do not believe that garbage about “natural set points” or being hugely obese because of “genetics” is true. To me, it’s a bunch of hooey! And that’s that. If you don’t like it, well, re-read the last few paragraphs until you have it through your skull.

And if you DO like it, then I appreciate any input you have as well. I welcome all kinds of people to read and discuss my blog. Health and fitness people, I especially value any input you may give because I’m still learning myself.

I will be posting my favorite recipes from time to time as well, and snippets of articles I find interesting, etc.

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