Posts Tagged ‘emotion’

Losing weight has been great for me, in both major, life-altering ways and in those little ways that one doesn’t always take note of but appreciates anyway. Here is my list of those little things that make me happy that I’ve been losing weight:

* My thighs don’t rub together and chafe painfully as they used to. They still touch, but they’re not squished together as they used to be. Seriously, I used to have to use baby powder in the summer time to keep my inner thighs from becoming painfully chafed, and this was the first summer I didn’t have to do that.

* It’s easier to shave my legs – I live in an apartment with a small shower stall and no bathtub, and if I’d attempted the feat of shaving my legs in this shower even a year ago, it wouldn’t have worked out. My old place where I was very fat had a bathtub, and I know that without that tub I would have just had hairy legs. Not that there’s anything wrong with hairy legs, but I like to shave in the warm months.

* Positive attention from others has increased, but I don’t get as much “creepy” and unwanted attention from the random weirdos on the street that I used to get. I think the reason for this is that people assume a fat person has low self esteem and will take any attention they can get. While that’s not always true, that’s the general assumption people tend to make. Now that I’m thinner, I think people are a little more afraid to approach me. I used to get old farts hitting on me at the bus stop (creeeeepy), but now they don’t even talk to me unless they’re asking if I have spare change, lol.

* I can see my feet without bending over, I repeat, I can just look down and see my feet! Huzzah!

* I can more easily squat or stoop down to grab something off the floor instead of it being an Olympic event to bend over to pick something up.

* My balance has improved tenfold.

* I can do a cartwheel again – I haven’t been able to do one of those since high school!

* I can run to beat a dwindling traffic light and cross the street, or run to the bus stop if I’m running late and not miss the bus (this used to be a Herculean effort for me).

* Stairs? Hills? Bring ’em on! Never thought I’d actually enjoy stairs and hills! 🙂

* I have way more patience than I used to have. I can wait longer for things without getting anxious.

* The way I react to tricky and challenging situations is far more balanced and less emotional, and I tend not to let things “get to me” as much as I used to.

* I’m more assertive and less of a “people pleaser” than I used to be, it’s like I’m completely unafraid to stand up for myself and can do so in a diplomatic way without coming off being “bitchy” or overly emotional.

* I fall asleep faster and usually sleep through the night unless it’s “that time of month.”

* “That time of month” is still a pain in the ass, but it’s much LESS painful and a lot more manageable than it used to be.

I still have my funky weirdness around crowds. I’m working on that one, still. There have been times at the supermarket where I’m nearing a panic attack by the time I make it to the checkout lane, although I think it has something to do with the fact since I don’t have a car I often do those big, stock-up trips with my parents, and they tend to rush me, AND the store recently remodeled and the layout is ass-backwards now, so it’s confusing and I’m trying to complete my shopping list (often the housemate will hand me a couple 20’s and a list for him as well – gawd I can’t wait til he gets his car so he can do this himself, lol). So I think those are factors, but that is the one issue my weight hasn’t remedied. My mom gets the same thing in grocery stores, but since she’s with my stepdad, she has an easier time. I feel like if I had a “shopping buddy” to assist me I’d do better with those stock-up trips as well. Luckily I only do those once a month to get heavier things like kitty litter, bags of rice, gallons of water refilled, laundry items, etc. I manage to keep it together enough to get through it by trying to breathe deep, etc. but it’s HARD for me to be in a crowded situation like that, with a time limit. I do okay with other kinds of crowds, like at sporting events or concerts, but I guess it’s because those events tend to be fun, whereas shopping is a chore. Luckily there is a supermarket not too far from my place that I can grab my produce, meats, and other fresh items at, and I just do the thing with my folks to get the big, heavy items that would be nearly impossible to take on the bus or walk home with. When my housemate has his car, he said we can start doing that stuff later at night when the store is less crowded (yay!).

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Shame is a funny emotion. We feel shame usually when we’ve done something unethical to others, or when we’ve done something embarrassing. It seems that shame in our culture is now looked upon as something no one should have to feel for any reason and to be avoided at all costs. The thing is, feeling shame is often the first step towards making a positive change. If you feel shame about something you’ve done, you know that it’s something that should be corrected, and it can motivate you towards taking the first steps that’ll make it right.

Some people in the Fat Acceptance movement claim that anti-obesity, health-related ads are “shaming,” and that a doctor telling you that you should lose weight for your health is “shaming” and that pretty much anyone who claims that fat is a choice is “shaming” to fat people. Also, in our very politically correct society, shame in general is looked upon as something always to avoid. The thing is, anyone who’s personal choices leads them to be a burden to others should feel some amount of shame. You can compare it to someone so addicted to drugs, alcohol, shopping, or gambling that they’ve burned through the family savings accounts and fail to provide for their children because of their vices. If someone loves food so much that they’d let themselves get so bad that family or friends have to take care of them, they should feel some shame about it. FA will probably agree with the drug addict/alcoholic analogy, but if you include fat people in the equation they feel it’s unfair. But I tend to disagree because eating too much food for your body to use in your normal activity level is a choice. If the only person who has to live with the choice is the choice-maker, that’s fine. But if someone else has to somehow care for the person who makes the self-destructive choice, we’re crossing over into the territory where it becomes someone else’s problem as well. For one to allow that to happen, one should feel ashamed.

Instances where shame shouldn’t be a factor do exist. For instance, a child should never feel ashamed that their parents divorced, a victim of sexual or any other kind of abuse should never feel ashamed of the fact that they were a victim of said abuse. If anyone gives their 100% best effort at something and failed, they shouldn’t feel ashamed, but rather proud that they tried and be motivated to try harder for next time (nobody can be the BEST at anything at all times). But if someone makes a choice, and that choice yields bad results for not only the individual but those in the individuals life, then shame is warranted, and can be a positive emotion.

Basically my main point is that shame can sometimes help a person get better. If an alcoholic feels intense shame that he let his alcohol abuse hurt his family, and it can motivate him to give up alcohol and make right those wrongs, then shame is a good thing. If a person who’s let themselves become disabled because of their weight and their spouse or parents have to care for them and they feel ashamed because of that, then maybe they’ll be motivated to lose enough weight to be independent again. I’m not saying one should feel ashamed for not looking hot in a bikini or speedo, here, but if one gets fat enough that they need assistance doing normal things, perhaps they should feel some modicum of shame.

While we’re on the topic of caring for a disabled loved one, I will say this: if your spouse is in an accident which renders them disabled, and you end up taking care of them, that’s understandable. If your spouse eats their way to a size which they become disabled at, and you end up taking care of them, that is unfair. The reason for that is getting fat was their choice, while an accident that makes a person have a disability was not a choice. The reason I bring this up is the “for better or worse” vows at most weddings. A lot of fat spouses will argue that their spouse vowed to love them unconditionally, but that’s unfair if the “condition” was brought on by choices. What the “for better or worse” vow was created for, was for cases like the first scenario, where something bad, outside of your spouse’s control, happens. It’s not an accident to eat too much, exercise too little, and get very fat. It can FEEL like an accident if you’re not watching yourself then one day wake up to realize how fat you’ve gotten. It’s an accident when you get in a car wreck and become a paraplegic and can no longer do certain things for yourself. Alcoholics and drug addicts are shamed for making life hard on their families, and their addictions are the results of choices. So if someone is FAT and is a burden on their family because of it, it’s wrong for them to be shamed, too? I don’t get it.

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