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Long title! Anyway, I am sick of this common misconception/double standard. I’ve known plenty of fat, schlubby guys who just expected women to fall at their feet, and not just any women, mind you…they wanted women that fit most mainstream “beauty standards” in some way. What the hell?

Look, women are just as visually-oriented as men when it comes to physical attraction and arousal. Women want to get off just as much as any man, and that usually requires us not being completely repulsed by our partner. Now I’m not talking about falling in love, I’m talking about pure, physical, sexual attraction here.

I think most of us tend to gravitate towards others who are kind of our equal as far as attractiveness goes. Usually when attracted to a partner where things go beyond the physical, there are a combination of traits that bring the two people together on an even keel. But I’ve known guys that have the dumb mentality of “nice guys finish last,” and claim to be such “nice guys,” but get angry at women who turn them down. Then instead of acknowledging that there are things they could work on to attract women, they instead blame women, saying that “women are only attracted to guys who are jerks.” Funny enough to me that they automatically assume that attractive guys are “jerks” just because they’re visually appealing…hmmmm. Who to date, even just on a casual basis, is a very personal decision. I’ve seen certain guys demand, after the rejection, to know why. You know what? Sometimes the “why” is that you smell, or that you’re ugly to the woman, or that not only are you ugly and smelly, you can also be a misogynistic jerk!

Guys like Kevin Smith and Jack Black are chunky, and they ended up with pretty good looking women. However, both of them seem to actually have very creative, interesting personalities, and they both make pretty hilarious movies and have good senses of humor obviously. I can’t really speak for Smith’s wife Jen (who is devastatingly gorgeous in my opinion), and I don’t know about Black’s love life at present but I do know at one point he was dating Sarah Silverman, also totally cute. But I will attest to the fact that they’re both famous and creative types. Their mates have been attracted to them for other reasons than how they look, obviously. But when I see these average joe guys who can’t even be bothered to do anything more than shower and put on a shirt their mom gave them, are considerably overweight and also probably not that attractive otherwise, AND expect the women they go after to be drop-dead gorgeous, act like clueless and sexist pigs, and THEN wonder why they’ve made it into their 30’s and haven’t gotten laid, I just want to slap these individuals across their smug faces when they start to blame WOMEN for the reason they’re still virgins. Then they try to augment themselves with things that are advertised to be “chick magnets” like motorcycles, nice cars, etc. What they don’t really get is that most of the time women like the guys on motorcycles because they’re already hot, and the motorcycle is just kind of the icing on the cake. A fatty guy with his dick hidden under layers of fat on a bike does not say “sexy” to me, anyway. The thing is, a lot of these men could find someone in their current state if they were to lower their own standards. But the problem with this (and this is one thing about fat acceptance I can’t reconcile) is that they expect the most gorgeous woman ever, with an in-shape body, who goes to the salon regularly, to like them on the sole basis that they’re “nice.” Really? A lot of people are VERY nice, but I’d never sleep with any of them.

Women are just as visually-oriented as men. Some macho assholes (some of whom happen to be big fatties) like to make fun of guys who groom themselves or dress well, using off-color, bigoted terms for homosexuality to make fun of them…but those are usually the guys who are getting laid. By women. Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya think?

I think fat men can often feel just as insecure as fat women. But I think there’s something in our current pop culture that says, “It’s okay if you’re fat, because some really hot chick who doesn’t care what you look like will come along and love you for who you are!” But for me the kicker is that to most of us, too much extra fat (and I’m not talking 15 or 20 lbs. here) usually indicates a tendency towards either apathy or impulsive behavior. I’ve BEEN a fat person, and I have every right to say that. It might sound mean, but to me it’s the truth. I’ve decidedly less attracted towards fat men because from what I observe of their behavior, they don’t often care for themselves well at all. I am way more attracted to the aesthetic of someone who is healthy and active. That usually shows on a person’s body. I don’t expect a guy to be uber-muscley, but you can usually tell the difference between a guy who’s just naturally skinny but isn’t healthy, and someone who is really treating their body right. Combine that with a killer personality (which to me is a good sense of humor, intelligence, kindness/respect for others/positive-yet-realistic outlook on life) and I’ve usually got a crush.

I’ll elaborate on fat acceptance’s seeming double standards. There doesn’t seem to be anything about fat men being accepted out there in the blogosphere. There is a little bit, but not much. Fat women are called “real women” whereas slim women are called “twigs, sticks, anorexic, self-hating, bitches, etc.” but thin, attractive men are not picked on. To me it seems like some of the women of FA want to remain fat but still feel like they should be able to get with an in-shape man. To me that’s just as bad as fat, slovenly men who haven’t seen Mr. Happy in 5 years expecting gorgeously hot women to just fall at their feet because they’re nice “on the inside.”

Inner beauty is valuable, OK? I get that. But for ME, both have to be there. Physical attraction is also arguably subjective enough that someone I find gorgeous might not be as appealing to the gal next to me – it’s always a combination of personality compatability, looks, pheromones/chemistry, etc. So just being a nice guy doesn’t entitle any man to have any woman he wants. Ever.

What I also get annoyed by is that women, when without a sex partner but horny, are usually left to our own devices and seek the aid of a sex toy of some sort. But SOME guys I’ve known (particularly the significantly overweight ones who are still virgins into their late 20’s) start feeling ENTITLED to a WOMAN if they want to get off. Sorry bout ya, but no one is owed a romantic partner. Ever. Usually you have to work on yourself at LEAST a little bit to attract someone. Sorry. If you’re so desperate to get off and can’t find someone willing, seek out the aid of a fleshlight, your hand, some porn, or a combination of the three for all I care. No one is required to say yes to you just because you might be nice. And you most certainly prove you really aren’t nice when you get angry and stomp your feet for getting rejected by someone. Ass.

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OK, I just had to comment on this because it made me laugh. It’s been awhile since I thought about it because I tend to ignore the stupid, but a somewhat dim sorority girl wrote a very long-winded editorial on why it’s so wrong when women don’t shave their pits, and this was all brought to her mind because she was riding the bus and saw a girl with hairy pits! ZOMG! Stop the world, we’ve GOT to focus on this one!

Confession time: I don’t shave my armpits. Why? Because I have insanely sensitive skin and always, ALWAYS break out in a horrible rash when I shave them. Believe me, I’ve tried everything over the years to alleviate that condition and still get away with shaving. Tried Nair and a whole host of other products, when I was younger and more insecure about such things. These days I forego all things that which do not work, and stick to the one thing that does, which is NOT shaving them. Big deal, right? I guess it really is a big deal to some people. But why? It’s a pretty personal choice. But for some reason, human beings (particularly other females, and rarely males from what I’ve found) take it very personally when other people don’t shave their pits. Sorry, other women. It’s because it’s what we’re “supposed” to do in our culture. But in other cultures, no one shaves anything. In some, both men and women remove all their hair! It’s funny how that works.

I did have one ignorant male, one time, say that he thought it was a hygiene thing. It’s not, though. It’s an aesthetics thing. He considered a woman who doesn’t shave to be slovenly and have poor hygiene. But really, you only have poor hygiene if you neglect to bathe, brush your teeth, etc. I bathe every day, sometimes twice a day depending on how work went. I also use a clear deodorant on my hairy pits, and I’ve never had a problem smelling like B.O.

So I ask the people, SO FUCKING WHAT? I personally don’t care. I don’t avoid shaving to make some feminist statement, either, and I do consider myself something of a feminist. I just find body hair removal to be both a waste of time and a detriment to my skin’s health. I’m clean and well-kept otherwise, so what is the big deal? I think it comes down to a culture where women in particular feel a need to cut each other down for some crazy reason. A woman like the one who spent a good deal of time writing the editorial piece against hairy pits felt the need to cut down other women based on a personal choice regarding the removal of something as stupid as body hair. I’m serious, I’ve never had any males come up to me and comment on my pits, aside from the one guy. I’ve had numerous females make some rather snarky comments about it, as if it had anything to do with them or they had any reason to be concerned.

End point: mind your own business, take care of yourself, and don’t try to be the body hair police. Be a real woman and grow the fuck up! If you like to shave, great! More power to you! But if you see another woman who chooses to be hairy, don’t make assumptions about her personality. And if it absolutely repulses you to see a woman with hair on her body, just don’t fucking look.

I will actually say this…I think if all women everywhere are expected to remove their body hair, I think it’s only fair that men be expected to do the same. Guys can get away with being uber-hairy and doing nothing about it. I would hopefully never attract the kind of male who would demand this, but if some guy I liked demanded that I be absolutely hairless, I’d say, “OK, but you must do the same.” Seriously.

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I’ve touched on this topic as it pertains to my weight loss before, but people have known me as a fat girl since probably 1996. I’m 26 now and that was 13 years ago, so I’ve been fat roughly half my life. I am completely qualified to talk about all things related to fat people, as I’m a highly credible source of fat facts of life. Yet some of my (always the thin who are thin without *trying* mind-you) friends feel the need to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about my weight *at all.* Sure, they’re willing to tell me how good I look by comparison to my biggest size, because I’m actually at the weight I was in my freshman year of high school. I’ve been much fatter, and so by comparison I look “thin” in their eyes. BUT, I’m still fat. And the fat I have, by the very nature of how it’s distributed on my body, is very annoying for me to deal with.

By “deal with” I’m talking about the unpleasantness associated with having fat in certain areas of your body, and how it effects your ability to live a normal life. I only have some 30-ish pounds of fat left to lose before I’m comfortable with the amount of space my posterior takes up in relation to other objects. Believe me, it’s a huge relief to have 50 lbs. of that excess gone. But 30 lbs. excess is still physically uncomfortable to lug around, especially on someone as short as I am. I’m only 5 feet tall, so I’m still rather round, especially since almost all my extra fat is on my abdomen, back, and arms now. Top-heavy hurts, especially if you have scoliosis as I do. It’s very slight scoliosis, I don’t have to wear any crazy back braces at all times (although I do use a lumbar support band when I need to lift heavy things and I have inserts for my shoes to keep me in alignment), but even 10 lbs. too much fat in the wrong place on your body, pulling down at your back, really HURTS.

I think people assume I want to lose those last 30 lbs. for vanity alone. But this is not the case. There are some grosser reasons I want the fat gone. People who’ve never had a weight problem don’t really understand how difficult it can be to live a normal, low-maintainence life as a fat person. I usually wear clothes that are flattering enough to hide the fat rolls and just kind of flow over them. I will wear a waist sincher or bodysuit if I’m really dressed up so my clothes look as good as possible, so people don’t always see the fat ROLLS and creases. They are much smaller now, some of them have dissapeared, but at 30 lbs. overweight I still have enough of them to cause me discomfort. The sweat in the summertime is gross. I feel like I have to bathe more frequently and I use baby powder to ease the discomfort of the sweating. The area between the thighs is another bone of contention for fat people. The way my fat distributes it causes a pouch of belly fat right over my “area,” which can cause uncomfortable chafing. I use baby powder to ease this, but really that’s pretty inconvenient, and I’d rather just skip that. That’s why being a normal size for my height would be such a huge relief in the way I live my life. It’s NOT just about VANITY.

But so what if some of it IS about vanity? The aesthetic I prefer is that of a lean physique when I’m talking pure, physical attraction. I am put off a little physically by overweight and obese men – and as a fat girl I would be almost expected to date a fat man. Therefore I feel I’d be a total hypocrite if I expected to have a man match that physique if I couldn’t also maintain such a physique. But the looks aspect isn’t all it is to me and my primary motivation is my health. Looking better is a part of it, but it’s not the whole thing. But dammit, if I feel good about looking better, I feel like I’ve earned that right. I feel like celebrating with a new, sexy or flirty outfit that fits my smaller body and being proud is not something I should feel shallow about doing.

But I digress…my entire point I think is that I have a few friends who have always been thin without actually working out or eating right/watching portions. Some of them eat like shit, actually, but they have that freakish metabolism that I’ve never had. Sometimes I think those friends of mine take their uber-metabolisms for granted, not really realizing that a person in my position really *is not* able to eat like that and have the physique I want (lean and muscular). I had to choose being healthy, happy, and leaner over the decadent foods in big portions. Also I don’t think those people really get how pathological and disordered my overeating was. I was good at projecting the “funny fat girl” image when really I was very depressed and fucked up inside. Essentially I was sick. But I guess some people did see me as “fat and happy.” Maybe that’s why it’s weird to them when I turn down certain foods offered to me these days, or just take a tiny bite of something decadent instead of eating the whole thing, or turn down going out drinking because I want to get up early and work out the next day. The only reason I get kind of miffled is that I get comments like, “you look fine NOW, don’t lose any more weight!” or “what you look like shouldn’t matter,” when it’s NOT ALL ABOUT MY LOOKS. IT’S ALSO ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I also have people tell me I’m not fat. I wonder if these people must think I’m stupid or blind. I’m not AS fat, but I’m still FAT. And I hate being fat. Why wouldn’t people be more happy for me? Ugh. I’ve also had a couple of people tell me that I was “being too hard on myself” for wanting to lose more weight than I already have. WTF? So does that mean I should never try too hard for anything and live an existence I feel is mediocre, just because a goal isn’t easy to obtain? Those same people would never say, “you shouldn’t try to get the best grades you can in school,” or “you shouldn’t try to get that promotion at work,” but they will say, “you shouldn’t get all the way down to a healthy weight that you’d feel really comfortable at – the bare minimum is fine!” BLAH. OK, rant over.

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Oh, my. Public transportation in a small city can lend so many opportunities to look at your own life and go, “wow, I ain’t got it so bad!” These are seriously the people I look at and think, “Gawd, no matter what happens, I’m not going to let that happen to me!”

I’ve been fighting a particularly nasty case of bronchitis that antibiotics alone aren’t going to fix. Needless to say, I was sent home from work. I’m not used to using the public transportation during that part of the day. All the saddest, most pathetic people ride at that time of day because they don’t have jobs (hey, I’m not hating, just stating the obvious). So I was on the bus home, not feeling well, just wanting to come home and transition into pajamaland and turn on the humidifier and maybe start a movie. An obviously drunk man boards the bus holding a box. He comes to the back where I’m sitting (oh, boy), and announces to everyone that he found this chocolate covered pumpkin pie in the dumpster and wants to share it with everyone! How special! Now, I’ve eaten food that was past-date before, and I’m not a snob about dumpster diving, but that’s only the case if I’m the one who found said food. That way I can gauge whether or not it’s safe to consume, and whether or not it’s something I’d even want. For instance, a local bagel shop throws away a metric ton of bagels every day. The bagels are contained in paper bags inside of a trash bag, meaning there is insulation between the bagels and the outside world. But for all I knew, this pie could have been just chucked into the dumpster on top of decaying, rotting trash with no protection of a trash bag.

I usually don’t make eye contact with too many people on the bus, since the lot of them are crazy and a little on the creepy side. But this guy was really persistent in that everyone on the bus eat some of this damned pie (until the driver noticed, of course, and asked him to put it away since eating on the bus is against the rules). When I politely said, “no thank you,” that wasn’t good enough. He had to keep persisting. Ugh, leave me alone creepy. I just let loose with the hacking up of my lungs and he finally backed off. The guy next to him who was equally crazy was really into it and ate like 5 pieces of the stuff, and kept going on about how he exercises regularly so he can eat as much as he wants. No, he wasn’t fat. Just crazy.

Is there a point to this post? Not really. I’ve been home for a couple of hours now and am enjoying a relaxed, pajamaed evening – it was nice to be sent home after only working one hour. I got someone to cover the first half of my shift tomorrow at work, as well (meaning yes, I still have to go in but for not as long as I would have, which makes a huge difference). I guess what I wanted to get into was the fact that people will eat stuff just because it’s there, and feel a need to push it on everyone around them. Now the guy on the bus today was one of those “middle of the day” drunks, and also particularly unintelligent and obviously, “the lights are on but nobody’s home” in regards to his psyche. But the basic idea remains valid. Why do people feel the need to eat a food just because it’s there? And why is it when others don’t want to share the food they have to keep pushing? Sometimes people just aren’t that hungry. I’ll tell you, when you’re hacking up things that look like they might grow legs and crawl away and your nasal passages are completely blocked, and you have a distinct sense of fatigue, and feel a bit delirious, your appetite is not usually the healthiest. That being said, I made myself some soup and a sandwich for dinner, but that was after having zero appetite most of the day.

My tomato soup is easy and yummy, and to me is way better than that crap in a can. Also, it’s dairy free and has none of the crazy additives that canned soups have. That being said, the ingredients do come from cans, ironically enough. But much purer.

1 large can of diced tomatoes
2 large cans of tomato sauce or puree
1/4 cup olive oil
spices and salt to taste

That’s it. Seriously. Some people like to put milk in it, but that stuff doesn’t usually agree with me, and since I’m sick I’m avoiding dairy (mucus producing). Some people don’t like the chunky tomatoes, but I do. If you don’t, just use more tomato sauce/puree. It’s damn tasty!

Heat it up in a sauce pan for an amount of time you deem appropriate (I let it go til it’s piping hot). I make fake-cheese sandwiches (the old comfort staple of grilled cheese and tomato soup). I recommend Lisanatti’s Almond cheese, the best fake cheese ever. No, I’m not a vegan, but dairy gives me a lot of problems, especially if I’m sick. My “grilled” cheese sandwiches I actually do in the toaster oven. I spread a tiny bit of softened butter (I use real butter cause margarine has soy and I’m allergic to soy) on the outside of the bread to give it that crisp, maybe a teaspoon or so on each side. Way healthier than the traditional, fried version. Melt the cheese on the bread in the over, and viola, healthy “grilled” cheese.

Another thing I thought of just now. If you’re sick, you shouldn’t eat junk food. You need to feed your body with the most nutritionally dense food you can so it can be extra strong to fight whatever microbe it’s trying to get rid of. Making it labor on empty calorie garbage only hinders the healing process.

So when my brain isn’t so foggy from sick, perhaps I can elaborate more on the subject of why people can’t take, “no thank you, I’m not hungry,” as an acceptable answer when they’re being offered food they don’t want.

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Oh my freaking gord, I hate it when people notice how much weight I’ve lost and then decide that they should warn me against becoming an anorexic! This pisses me off because to me I take it as people assuming that I’m losing weight for vanity alone, and that I must be a candidate for a mental disorder and that I must have such low self esteem that I could become anorexic from embracing a healthier lifestyle. It also proves that the Fat Acceptance rhetoric has somewhat permeated our culture and that people now view losing excess weight to get healthy as a gateway to anorexia. I usually kind of let this stuff roll off my back when I hear it, but it still pisses me off. It assumes that there are only two extremes and that no one is able to find a middle ground. When I think critically about this, I realize that it’s not the person assuming that I’m so weak that I’d default to anorexia as a result of losing excess fat. What it really is to me is a societal brainwashing. The fact that people are so blindly ignorant of what signifies health and a good body image is proof that Fat Acceptance may be a small movement, but that Americans have adopted much of the misconceptions that the FA movement tries to convince us is true. All that being said, I don’t see myself ever being anorexic. I’m the kind of person who almost always has a healthy appetite, even when I’m sick. The only exceptions to this are when I’m really worried about something or anxious, or if I’m experiencing a stomach-related illness in which vomiting is involved. Otherwise, I’m usually all for eating. I also consider the eating habits that I had before I began this journey to be way more disordered than they are now. That being said, I still have to really watch myself and stay on top of my habits to prevent binges, and I’ll probably be this way for the rest of my life. I’d rather have a handle on it and be healthy than “accept” it as “part of who I am” and be so fat that I have joint and muscle problems and become a candidate for other illnesses down the road. I also feel like being really big messed with my hormones. As a thinner person than I was, my emotions are more stable, I’m able to control my moods better, and I feel more at peace with myself. I’m still a stress-ball and still struggle with panic from time to time. High blood pressure and other heart-related ailments run in my family so I have to work on that mental aspect of myself to stay healthy. But hey, I’m way better than I was 2 years ago.

Also, I hate how someone who is thin but healthy (a good muscle-to-fat ratio, proportionate body size, not starving, just lean) is now considered “too skinny.” Bleh.

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If you’re one of those people who’s unhappy with being fat, yet you don’t want to put any effort into your attempt at losing weight, there are endless products out there that are made just for you! Whether or not any of them works is debatable, but either way I know that a lot of people would rather just try and buy their way thin than do any actual work or use any real will-power to get there.

How much anal leakage are you willing to put up with to lose a pound per month?

An interesting weight-loss drug that seems to be enjoying a lot of popularity right now is the over-the-counter Alli. Alli carries with it a few amusing side effects, including anal leakage!!! The reason is does this is that when you use Alli and consume too many fats, it purges them from your body. Sounds appealing until you go to the john and look down to see a huge spot of grease soiling your undies. I guess the purpose of this is to deter people from eating too much fat, but a certain amount of good fat is essential to your body working well, and thus can actually help you lose weight if you balance it out and don’t eat more fat grams per day than your daily recommended amount (which can be tweaked from person to person because we’re all different). Some even argue that Alli can block the absorption of these healthy fats and cause nutritional deficiency in people who take it! This is just one person’s take on Alli in 2006 (around the time it was approved as safe by the FDA), but it seems pretty spot-on.

The possibility of nutritional deficiencies aside, why the hell would anyone put up with such awful, impractical side effects like diarrhea or anal leakage? WHY? For one, you’re paying to have oil come out yer butt and stain your clothes! And two, you don’t need the medicine to avoid eating too much fat, just do that yourself! But some people will try anything that doesn’t require them doing the actual thing they have to do to achieve something they want. I used to try to save people, to change their minds about this sort of thing, but human beings are damn stubborn. Therefore, my new response is, “well, it’s your money and you can waste it any way you want. Have fun pooping your pants!”

The one respectable thing I can say about the Alli ads that I’ve seen is that they don’t promise results without modifying your diet. That is the one and only redeeming thing about this pill that I can think of. Any weight-loss product that promises results without behavioral modification is guaranteed to be complete quackery, that much I can promise you. Other than the fact that Alli requires you to follow guidelines and stick to them, I think the side effects are too dangerous and too embarrassing (adult diapers anyone?) to make it worth it.

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Last night I was watchin’ a little bit o idiot box before I decided to turn in for the night, and I saw this gem of an exercise product.

If you’re gullible enough to buy this, go ahead!

The commercial was absolutely hilarious, because they kept showing women using it, their boobs bouncing up and down. My first thought was, “Who is this commercial actually for? The women who want bigger boobs and think this is the answer, or the men in the room with said women?” My second thought was, “The women in this commercial did not get the bodies they have by using this.” My third thought was that the terminology they used was stupid. They kept saying how it works the “bust muscles” and the “breast muscles.” Your boobs don’t have muscles in them. Your pectorals are below your breasts. Were they afraid to use the real muscle terminology for fear that us little womenfolk just wouldn’t understand? It also promises that you’ll have a beautiful bustline in just 5 minutes a day! Anything that claims you can look like the built people in their commercial in “minutes” per day is guaranteed to be bogus.

I bet if I picked up one of these things and tried to use it, it would break after a few tries. I’m sure if it actually works, you can work the pectorals a little bit, but for most people who are serious about strength training, women included, it’s a laughable device. It’s also got PINK grips on it for GIRLS. Cause we all know how much little girls love the color PINK. *facepalm*

I’m waiting for the day that all TV commercials for these dumb devices start with the tag-line, “Hey, STUPID, buy THIS!” and people will go, “Yes, master…”

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