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Archive for the ‘human behavior’ Category

Long title! Anyway, I am sick of this common misconception/double standard. I’ve known plenty of fat, schlubby guys who just expected women to fall at their feet, and not just any women, mind you…they wanted women that fit most mainstream “beauty standards” in some way. What the hell?

Look, women are just as visually-oriented as men when it comes to physical attraction and arousal. Women want to get off just as much as any man, and that usually requires us not being completely repulsed by our partner. Now I’m not talking about falling in love, I’m talking about pure, physical, sexual attraction here.

I think most of us tend to gravitate towards others who are kind of our equal as far as attractiveness goes. Usually when attracted to a partner where things go beyond the physical, there are a combination of traits that bring the two people together on an even keel. But I’ve known guys that have the dumb mentality of “nice guys finish last,” and claim to be such “nice guys,” but get angry at women who turn them down. Then instead of acknowledging that there are things they could work on to attract women, they instead blame women, saying that “women are only attracted to guys who are jerks.” Funny enough to me that they automatically assume that attractive guys are “jerks” just because they’re visually appealing…hmmmm. Who to date, even just on a casual basis, is a very personal decision. I’ve seen certain guys demand, after the rejection, to know why. You know what? Sometimes the “why” is that you smell, or that you’re ugly to the woman, or that not only are you ugly and smelly, you can also be a misogynistic jerk!

Guys like Kevin Smith and Jack Black are chunky, and they ended up with pretty good looking women. However, both of them seem to actually have very creative, interesting personalities, and they both make pretty hilarious movies and have good senses of humor obviously. I can’t really speak for Smith’s wife Jen (who is devastatingly gorgeous in my opinion), and I don’t know about Black’s love life at present but I do know at one point he was dating Sarah Silverman, also totally cute. But I will attest to the fact that they’re both famous and creative types. Their mates have been attracted to them for other reasons than how they look, obviously. But when I see these average joe guys who can’t even be bothered to do anything more than shower and put on a shirt their mom gave them, are considerably overweight and also probably not that attractive otherwise, AND expect the women they go after to be drop-dead gorgeous, act like clueless and sexist pigs, and THEN wonder why they’ve made it into their 30’s and haven’t gotten laid, I just want to slap these individuals across their smug faces when they start to blame WOMEN for the reason they’re still virgins. Then they try to augment themselves with things that are advertised to be “chick magnets” like motorcycles, nice cars, etc. What they don’t really get is that most of the time women like the guys on motorcycles because they’re already hot, and the motorcycle is just kind of the icing on the cake. A fatty guy with his dick hidden under layers of fat on a bike does not say “sexy” to me, anyway. The thing is, a lot of these men could find someone in their current state if they were to lower their own standards. But the problem with this (and this is one thing about fat acceptance I can’t reconcile) is that they expect the most gorgeous woman ever, with an in-shape body, who goes to the salon regularly, to like them on the sole basis that they’re “nice.” Really? A lot of people are VERY nice, but I’d never sleep with any of them.

Women are just as visually-oriented as men. Some macho assholes (some of whom happen to be big fatties) like to make fun of guys who groom themselves or dress well, using off-color, bigoted terms for homosexuality to make fun of them…but those are usually the guys who are getting laid. By women. Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya think?

I think fat men can often feel just as insecure as fat women. But I think there’s something in our current pop culture that says, “It’s okay if you’re fat, because some really hot chick who doesn’t care what you look like will come along and love you for who you are!” But for me the kicker is that to most of us, too much extra fat (and I’m not talking 15 or 20 lbs. here) usually indicates a tendency towards either apathy or impulsive behavior. I’ve BEEN a fat person, and I have every right to say that. It might sound mean, but to me it’s the truth. I’ve decidedly less attracted towards fat men because from what I observe of their behavior, they don’t often care for themselves well at all. I am way more attracted to the aesthetic of someone who is healthy and active. That usually shows on a person’s body. I don’t expect a guy to be uber-muscley, but you can usually tell the difference between a guy who’s just naturally skinny but isn’t healthy, and someone who is really treating their body right. Combine that with a killer personality (which to me is a good sense of humor, intelligence, kindness/respect for others/positive-yet-realistic outlook on life) and I’ve usually got a crush.

I’ll elaborate on fat acceptance’s seeming double standards. There doesn’t seem to be anything about fat men being accepted out there in the blogosphere. There is a little bit, but not much. Fat women are called “real women” whereas slim women are called “twigs, sticks, anorexic, self-hating, bitches, etc.” but thin, attractive men are not picked on. To me it seems like some of the women of FA want to remain fat but still feel like they should be able to get with an in-shape man. To me that’s just as bad as fat, slovenly men who haven’t seen Mr. Happy in 5 years expecting gorgeously hot women to just fall at their feet because they’re nice “on the inside.”

Inner beauty is valuable, OK? I get that. But for ME, both have to be there. Physical attraction is also arguably subjective enough that someone I find gorgeous might not be as appealing to the gal next to me – it’s always a combination of personality compatability, looks, pheromones/chemistry, etc. So just being a nice guy doesn’t entitle any man to have any woman he wants. Ever.

What I also get annoyed by is that women, when without a sex partner but horny, are usually left to our own devices and seek the aid of a sex toy of some sort. But SOME guys I’ve known (particularly the significantly overweight ones who are still virgins into their late 20’s) start feeling ENTITLED to a WOMAN if they want to get off. Sorry bout ya, but no one is owed a romantic partner. Ever. Usually you have to work on yourself at LEAST a little bit to attract someone. Sorry. If you’re so desperate to get off and can’t find someone willing, seek out the aid of a fleshlight, your hand, some porn, or a combination of the three for all I care. No one is required to say yes to you just because you might be nice. And you most certainly prove you really aren’t nice when you get angry and stomp your feet for getting rejected by someone. Ass.

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If you’re not one of the lucky, naturally-thin folks out there who is blessed with a metabolism that leaves you actually wishing you could gain weight, then most likely some form of weight management needs to become a part of your life forever. Unless of course you want to “accept” fatness as a facet of your identity ala the Fat Acceptance Movement. That’s fine and dandy to me. I certainly have my personal issues with the movement, but if people choose and want to stay fat, that’s their choice. For those of us who don’t wish to accept a fat body and would like to maintain a healthy weight, we have to accept that there is no magic fix to weight management and that it’s going to be a lifelong process.

This is why I’ve personally chosen to embrace a life of health and fitness. It’s hard to get fat if the only reasons I miss a workout are being sick or injured, and if I watch what I eat 99% of the time. I make allowance for special occasions and times for treats, but I know that maintaining a healthy weight is within my reach. My attitude before I began this journey was one of defeat. I had sort of decided that while I knew I needed to lose weight, I loved my food too much. I also thought I was eating “healthy” most of the time and that my job was enough exercise. Then, like most of us, I had my wakeup call. The back injury and the crippling and excruciating pain that came after. I can’t remember exactly the day that I started, but there was one day that I decided I was going to eat the way I normally ate for a day, but write it all down. I was astonished to find that I was eating enough calories for 2 days – doubling up.

Some of you may not know this, but I actually managed to lose a good chunk of weight back in 2001-2002. I started out healthy, then got unhealthy as I turned essentially to drugs to help “rev my metabolism” – it’s so embarrassing to think that at one point in my youth I thought that would actually work. It did kind of work, yes, but I felt like crap and looked like crap, too. I also didn’t build any muscle – in fact I’m pretty sure a lot of the weight I lost was muscle. Either way, for some reason my old habits came back and as I got comfortable in my life situation at the time (a new relationship), I stopped watching what I ate, stopped regularly exercising, yet for some crazy reason I didn’t expect to gain back the weight I lost. But I did, with a vengeance.

I’ve vowed “never again” especially after the pain I went through. My petite frame was not meant to carry that much extra weight, especially since I tend to be “top heavy” when I put on weight – no wonder my back went out! I was carrying around the equivalent of several bulk bags of rice on my body. No way do I ever want to go back! But the key mentality to have if you ever lose weight is that unless you stick to what works for GOOD, the weight can, and most likely will, come back.

I mostly bring up this point because a lot of people see weight loss methods as only a means to an end that they’ll get to stop one day, and then just go back to normal, yet not put the weight back on. Or some people slim down quick for an event, say a wedding, then after that they decide that they no longer need to work on it. Also, a lot of these diets focus on omitting an entire food group from your diet instead of working on ways you can permanently change your habits for good health, changes you can live with for life. I’ll pick on the low-carb diets for a second…I don’t think I could live on a low-carb diet for life. I don’t think anyone really could. Also, a lot of people don’t stick with exercise for life. They see it as yet another means to an end, just like they view their diet.

The fact is, watching what you eat and daily exercise are not only good for weight loss or maintaining healthy weight for a lifetime, they are also just generally good for your health. I’m just wondering who wouldn’t want to do all they can to enhance their quality of life into old age? I’ll cite the example of my grandmother who did live a long life, but she was very unhealthy. Sure, she lived to be 86. But she was miserable and sick for the last 15 years of that life. She smoked, was an alcoholic, did not exercise and did not watch her diet – she basically lived on TV dinners from the mid-80’s until she was placed in a retirement home in the late 90’s. She wasn’t fat, but she was very unhealthy. She had emphysema, stroke, and heart disease. I’m wondering if she may have possibly also had liver problems due to her drinking, which she didn’t quit until she was checked into a retirement home. My family found her stash as they were moving her! And my family kept a close watch on her and took turns caring for her each day, she just hid the booze that well! We never found out who was buying it for her because at that point she was no longer driving. Anyway, my point is that people have this mentality for some reason that they will “die anyway, so why bother?” Well, of course we’ll all expire eventually. Healthy people die every day, too. But to me it just seems downright foolhardy not to at least try and maintain good health anyway. When I’m in old age, I want to still have my faculties about me, I want to still be able to move around and go do things. I do NOT want to be sitting on the couch watching television all day when I’m old. I want to be interacting with others. As long as I’m physically able, I’d like to do volunteer work when I’m old. I’d like to still be exercising every day. I’d still like to do a lot of fun things as well. I don’t expect to be hanging ten on a surfboard when I’m 80, but being able to walk and even possibly run at 80 sounds amazing and very doable if I were to continue taking good care of myself. Plus if I have kids, I feel like I would owe it to them to take good care of myself, to lessen the burden on them with my care when I do get really old. Other case in point, my own parents. They’re already experiencing some frailties in their 50’s. I grit my teeth at what it’s going to be like to care for them when they’re older. It’s always hard to care for elder parents even if they are very healthy, but my parents are not as healthy as they could be. The main thing is their smoking, although they’re both putting on weight as older adults.

Part of the problem I think is that for generations people were told that total decay and frailty is just a part of getting old. Losing your memory, losing your faculties, losing your ability to care for yourself, were all seen as inevitable. I think the baby boomers were also told that, which is why I think my parents never really considered their health when they were younger. Right now I’ve made a conscious decision to not repeat the same mistake. I refuse to accept health problems as inevitable things that can’t be prevented. Yes, I acknowledge that there are cases where a person was very healthy and still got sick. But I’m still not willing to gamble and just lie down and accept it. I’ll be proactive.

Which brings me back to weight loss. I’ve made a promise to myself that once I do reach my goal weight, I will remain on a maintainence plan. Part of that plan includes weighing myself once a month. If I start to creep over a certain weight, I will look into why and change my habits. I am not one of those people who has a fast metabolism – I accept that if I want to be a certain weight I’ll always have to watch it. I’d much rather do that than end up unhealthy and unhappy like I was. Plus, I’m young now and it’s easier to deal with this now than it is when a person gets older. I’d so rather get a handle on it and master the good habits now than wait until my 40’s to be proactive.

Some links that help strengthen my point: http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-exercise13-2009jul13,0,6577878.story
http://www.nytimes.com/1989/11/03/us/exercise-and-longevity-a-little-goes-a-long-way.html
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/hq01676
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=10074

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OK, I just had to comment on this because it made me laugh. It’s been awhile since I thought about it because I tend to ignore the stupid, but a somewhat dim sorority girl wrote a very long-winded editorial on why it’s so wrong when women don’t shave their pits, and this was all brought to her mind because she was riding the bus and saw a girl with hairy pits! ZOMG! Stop the world, we’ve GOT to focus on this one!

Confession time: I don’t shave my armpits. Why? Because I have insanely sensitive skin and always, ALWAYS break out in a horrible rash when I shave them. Believe me, I’ve tried everything over the years to alleviate that condition and still get away with shaving. Tried Nair and a whole host of other products, when I was younger and more insecure about such things. These days I forego all things that which do not work, and stick to the one thing that does, which is NOT shaving them. Big deal, right? I guess it really is a big deal to some people. But why? It’s a pretty personal choice. But for some reason, human beings (particularly other females, and rarely males from what I’ve found) take it very personally when other people don’t shave their pits. Sorry, other women. It’s because it’s what we’re “supposed” to do in our culture. But in other cultures, no one shaves anything. In some, both men and women remove all their hair! It’s funny how that works.

I did have one ignorant male, one time, say that he thought it was a hygiene thing. It’s not, though. It’s an aesthetics thing. He considered a woman who doesn’t shave to be slovenly and have poor hygiene. But really, you only have poor hygiene if you neglect to bathe, brush your teeth, etc. I bathe every day, sometimes twice a day depending on how work went. I also use a clear deodorant on my hairy pits, and I’ve never had a problem smelling like B.O.

So I ask the people, SO FUCKING WHAT? I personally don’t care. I don’t avoid shaving to make some feminist statement, either, and I do consider myself something of a feminist. I just find body hair removal to be both a waste of time and a detriment to my skin’s health. I’m clean and well-kept otherwise, so what is the big deal? I think it comes down to a culture where women in particular feel a need to cut each other down for some crazy reason. A woman like the one who spent a good deal of time writing the editorial piece against hairy pits felt the need to cut down other women based on a personal choice regarding the removal of something as stupid as body hair. I’m serious, I’ve never had any males come up to me and comment on my pits, aside from the one guy. I’ve had numerous females make some rather snarky comments about it, as if it had anything to do with them or they had any reason to be concerned.

End point: mind your own business, take care of yourself, and don’t try to be the body hair police. Be a real woman and grow the fuck up! If you like to shave, great! More power to you! But if you see another woman who chooses to be hairy, don’t make assumptions about her personality. And if it absolutely repulses you to see a woman with hair on her body, just don’t fucking look.

I will actually say this…I think if all women everywhere are expected to remove their body hair, I think it’s only fair that men be expected to do the same. Guys can get away with being uber-hairy and doing nothing about it. I would hopefully never attract the kind of male who would demand this, but if some guy I liked demanded that I be absolutely hairless, I’d say, “OK, but you must do the same.” Seriously.

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I’ve touched on this topic as it pertains to my weight loss before, but people have known me as a fat girl since probably 1996. I’m 26 now and that was 13 years ago, so I’ve been fat roughly half my life. I am completely qualified to talk about all things related to fat people, as I’m a highly credible source of fat facts of life. Yet some of my (always the thin who are thin without *trying* mind-you) friends feel the need to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about my weight *at all.* Sure, they’re willing to tell me how good I look by comparison to my biggest size, because I’m actually at the weight I was in my freshman year of high school. I’ve been much fatter, and so by comparison I look “thin” in their eyes. BUT, I’m still fat. And the fat I have, by the very nature of how it’s distributed on my body, is very annoying for me to deal with.

By “deal with” I’m talking about the unpleasantness associated with having fat in certain areas of your body, and how it effects your ability to live a normal life. I only have some 30-ish pounds of fat left to lose before I’m comfortable with the amount of space my posterior takes up in relation to other objects. Believe me, it’s a huge relief to have 50 lbs. of that excess gone. But 30 lbs. excess is still physically uncomfortable to lug around, especially on someone as short as I am. I’m only 5 feet tall, so I’m still rather round, especially since almost all my extra fat is on my abdomen, back, and arms now. Top-heavy hurts, especially if you have scoliosis as I do. It’s very slight scoliosis, I don’t have to wear any crazy back braces at all times (although I do use a lumbar support band when I need to lift heavy things and I have inserts for my shoes to keep me in alignment), but even 10 lbs. too much fat in the wrong place on your body, pulling down at your back, really HURTS.

I think people assume I want to lose those last 30 lbs. for vanity alone. But this is not the case. There are some grosser reasons I want the fat gone. People who’ve never had a weight problem don’t really understand how difficult it can be to live a normal, low-maintainence life as a fat person. I usually wear clothes that are flattering enough to hide the fat rolls and just kind of flow over them. I will wear a waist sincher or bodysuit if I’m really dressed up so my clothes look as good as possible, so people don’t always see the fat ROLLS and creases. They are much smaller now, some of them have dissapeared, but at 30 lbs. overweight I still have enough of them to cause me discomfort. The sweat in the summertime is gross. I feel like I have to bathe more frequently and I use baby powder to ease the discomfort of the sweating. The area between the thighs is another bone of contention for fat people. The way my fat distributes it causes a pouch of belly fat right over my “area,” which can cause uncomfortable chafing. I use baby powder to ease this, but really that’s pretty inconvenient, and I’d rather just skip that. That’s why being a normal size for my height would be such a huge relief in the way I live my life. It’s NOT just about VANITY.

But so what if some of it IS about vanity? The aesthetic I prefer is that of a lean physique when I’m talking pure, physical attraction. I am put off a little physically by overweight and obese men – and as a fat girl I would be almost expected to date a fat man. Therefore I feel I’d be a total hypocrite if I expected to have a man match that physique if I couldn’t also maintain such a physique. But the looks aspect isn’t all it is to me and my primary motivation is my health. Looking better is a part of it, but it’s not the whole thing. But dammit, if I feel good about looking better, I feel like I’ve earned that right. I feel like celebrating with a new, sexy or flirty outfit that fits my smaller body and being proud is not something I should feel shallow about doing.

But I digress…my entire point I think is that I have a few friends who have always been thin without actually working out or eating right/watching portions. Some of them eat like shit, actually, but they have that freakish metabolism that I’ve never had. Sometimes I think those friends of mine take their uber-metabolisms for granted, not really realizing that a person in my position really *is not* able to eat like that and have the physique I want (lean and muscular). I had to choose being healthy, happy, and leaner over the decadent foods in big portions. Also I don’t think those people really get how pathological and disordered my overeating was. I was good at projecting the “funny fat girl” image when really I was very depressed and fucked up inside. Essentially I was sick. But I guess some people did see me as “fat and happy.” Maybe that’s why it’s weird to them when I turn down certain foods offered to me these days, or just take a tiny bite of something decadent instead of eating the whole thing, or turn down going out drinking because I want to get up early and work out the next day. The only reason I get kind of miffled is that I get comments like, “you look fine NOW, don’t lose any more weight!” or “what you look like shouldn’t matter,” when it’s NOT ALL ABOUT MY LOOKS. IT’S ALSO ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I also have people tell me I’m not fat. I wonder if these people must think I’m stupid or blind. I’m not AS fat, but I’m still FAT. And I hate being fat. Why wouldn’t people be more happy for me? Ugh. I’ve also had a couple of people tell me that I was “being too hard on myself” for wanting to lose more weight than I already have. WTF? So does that mean I should never try too hard for anything and live an existence I feel is mediocre, just because a goal isn’t easy to obtain? Those same people would never say, “you shouldn’t try to get the best grades you can in school,” or “you shouldn’t try to get that promotion at work,” but they will say, “you shouldn’t get all the way down to a healthy weight that you’d feel really comfortable at – the bare minimum is fine!” BLAH. OK, rant over.

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OK so today when I logged in my Top Searches said that the top search is “amy – passed away anorexia.” That’s mildly disturbing. This blog is not about anorexia or eating disorders, though I may cover the topic from time to time. It’s about me losing weight (and I’ve been obese and overweight for all of my adult life, so I hardly feel like I fit the bill for being diagnosed anorexic) and my observations and sometimes rants and raves about the misconceptions and societal weirdnesses surrounding weight and food. Just thought I’d clarify there…

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I recently had a discussion with someone who has tried a few times to get into an exercise routine/healthy eating pattern, and always got impatient as far as seeing results. This person also maintained that they never enjoyed it, always felt sore no matter what, and it always felt like a boring chore to them. This person also has a large appetite and gets hungry often, and tends to overeat. This person is not terribly overweight, but very out of shape.

Results don’t come overnight, and sometimes it can be several months before a person starts to see the changes in their body. I think others often notice before the individual does. When you see yourself in the mirror every single day, it can be hard to realize that your body is indeed changing. I for one never thought I’d be dysmorphic about my own body, but for months after I first started I saw the same ole’ fatty in the mirror when other people were noticing visible changes in my physiology. Even recently people are noticing things before I do (namely the fact that I’m starting to have defined hips, etc. and becoming more height-weight proportional).

I asked this person what they did, if they stretched, etc. I came to the conclusion based on their answers that they had thrown themselves into a very rigorous and intense routine too fast, that they weren’t stretching or doing anything else to help sore muscles (hot baths, ice, etc.), and choosing activities that they found inherently boring. This person also hates standing up for long periods of time and maintains that they always get sore no matter what. I had a counter-argument for every excuse this person threw at me, and the conversation got frustrating for both of us so we decided to change the subject. But I ended my points with this person by saying that there has got to be a way for them to eventually find being active enjoyable. It will help this person’s longevity, give them more energy every day, and be beneficial in a huge number of ways. To this person’s credit, they get frustrated with themselves because they know the health benefits of being active, but they feel so helpless about actually applying it to themselves.

So I guess the point of this was to say that people who are new to exercise and out of shape need to ease into a routine. Walking is a great way to start…it’s the first physical exercise most of us learned how to do as toddlers. It can start out slow and go fast. I still do it a lot, I don’t do too much running because of some leg pain I tend to get, but you can burn as many calories power-walking if you do it fast enough, without near the impact of running. Furthermore, stretching is essential. There are a ton of websites out there that can show through pictures and tell you how to properly stretch all your major muscle groups. It’s best to have a bit of a warm-up, stretch, then work out, take a stretch break in the middle (I notice a huge difference when I don’t do this), then cool down and stretch again after the workout. Once the body adapts to regular, mild physical activity, kick it up a notch gradually until you’re used to more strenuous activity.

Exercise is important, but if your diet is craptastic, it’s not going to give you enough health benefits. Some people’s taste buds are so corrupted by junk food that it’s easy to find the taste of healthy stuff “bland” at first because your taste buds are so used to being bombarded by way too much sugar, salt, and trans fats. I highly suggest for people who are having dietary challenges that are blocking them from weight-loss, health improvement, or both to read a great book called If It’s Not Food, Don’t Eat It: The No-Nonsense Guide to an Eating-for-health Lifestyle by Kelly Hayford, a clinical nutritionist. Hayford puts it all forth in a very non-threatening and straightforward way. One thing I respect about it is that she doesn’t preach any dogmatic diet-style (veganism or raw foodism for example) but more discusses the benefits of switching to mostly real, whole foods as opposed to processed stuff. She also discusses how to handle your lifestyle change around family and friends, and the psychological aspects of such a diet change. She has stories of real people and the dramatic, personal changes that happened for them from changing their diet.

To maintain a healthy body weight and good health in general, it is absolutely essential that a person is both physically active AND eats right. The end.

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Well, it’s been a long time since I posted. I realize that there are going to be infinitely stupid things said and thought about weight loss and healthy lifestyles in general, so it might not be the end of my desire to post on here. I’ve had many unfortunate things happen in my personal life in recent months. My friend passed away, both me and my housemate lost our jobs (he was laid off, I was fired). I’ve luckily landed a job, but it doesn’t start until next week so things are tight financially. But either way, it’s been a rough go.

I am not perfect. My weight loss has come to a standstill, and it’s because I haven’t been 100% with my diet and exercise. I tend to cycle through stages where I’m gung-ho and into it, and stages when I’m not. Luckily with diet, I never tend to overeat enough to gain any weight back…but I’m steadily maintaining. I haven’t been into working out lately, either. I’ve definitely had times where I’ve fallen off the wagon with this whole thing, but I’m still walking every day and keeping tabs on my weight. It’s not always easy, especially when I get depressed about things I tend to want to be isolated from people. Ugh, it’s like a battle of wills with myself. But as long as I don’t backslide, I’m not terribly worried. The difference between now and my past is my awareness of this tendency within myself to stagnate. Also, I actually own a bathroom scale and check my weight frequently enough to be aware of it. It’s a manual scale as opposed to digital so I can’t use the “battery died” excuse.

There is definitely more to life than weight, but at the same time I have to remember that my weight is somewhat of a manifestation of my emotional issues. It’s a symbol of falling down and staying down (to me), of stagnating, of not moving forward. I also admit that maybe a small part of me is still afraid to experience the life of a thinner person. I’ve never been a slim adult. Social attitudes and expectations are slightly different for thin people, by my observations.

Old habits die hard. I still feel proud, however, of the fact that I have never given up on this goal, even if I have “taken breaks” from actually really working towards it. I’m still around 30-ish pounds overweight. I used to be around 80 lbs. overweight. That’s definitely nothing to sneeze at, but at the same time if I had been stronger in my will over the last 2 years, I’d have reached my goal long ago.

I think posting in this blog might help me get motivated again. I hope so!

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